Amy Huffman, M.S.W.
Some of the foundational work that I do with my clients has to do with mindfulness. Mindfulness can be defined as a sense of compassionate observation of one’s inner state – emotionally, physically, or spiritually. When engaged in mindful thought, a person can observe his or her inner state without being caught up in the emotional storm that may be brewing.
One trap that’s easy to get caught in is the belief that our emotions are a list of instructions rather than a means of communication within the body. For example — I’m feeling anxious? That means I need to drop everything and tend to my anxiety. I’m feeling angry? I need to act out this anger right away. Sometimes we don’t even know what the emotion is, but we know it needs to direct our attention and behaviors. The “list of instructions” can then look like one of two things – an over-reliance on rational thought at the expense of emotional engagement, or an over-reliance on emotional engagement at the expense of rational thought.
Psychologist Dan Siegel uses the analogy of a river to explain these two extremes. Imagine your mind is a long, wide, flowing river. On one side of the river is a steep, inaccessible bank: this is the left side, or the rational mind.
On the other side is shallow water and lots of rocks: this is the right side, or the emotional mind. During times of distress, we can find ourselves veering wildly back and forth between these two extremes – crashing into rigidity or chaos and then back again. Mindfulness is what helps us steer toward the middle.
Wise mind is the middle of the river, that place where we can integrate our rational mind and our emotional mind. To get there, start by cultivating a nonjudgmental awareness of your inner experience. Take note of what thoughts are going through your mind. How fast are they moving? What shape do they take? What sensations accompany them within your body? The trick is to observe only, and not jump into action.
By taking note of what’s going on inside with compassionate curiosity, you allow yourself to gently detach from the crisis of emotion. This can be the first step toward a greater understanding and ownership of yourself and of your own inner experience.