Addison Halverson, LMFT

It’s that time of year again! Birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and you’re loading your kids into the car for their Saturday morning game. You’re excited to watch your son play in his first soccer match of the season. As you drive to the field, memories of your own experiences playing the sport start to flood back. You think about the thrill of scoring a game-winning goal in high school, the coach who gave you a quirky nickname that stuck with you, and how your friend’s dad used to yell from the sidelines at every game during your 12U season. You also remember how your friend would cry when he missed a goal, put himself down with negative self-talk, and eventually quit soccer. As you reflect on these moments, you can’t help but wonder how your own kids view you at their sporting events.

Here are some tips from a former college athlete, coach, and licensed marriage and family therapist to help you support, encourage, and build resilience in your child this spring season.

1. Keep Their Age in Mind:
Remember, children are constantly learning and growing. Their “talent” on the field is far less important than their enthusiasm and willingness to be there. Kids will make mistakes—it’s part of the learning process, and sports are one of the best places to make those mistakes and keep going. This helps teach resilience. Instead of saying, “Ugh! How could you miss that goal?!” try saying, “You gave it your best shot! Great job!”

2. It’s Okay If They Don’t Like Every Sport:
Not every child will fall in love with every sport, and that’s perfectly fine. This is another chance to foster resilience. Encourage your child to finish the season, and let them know that if they want to try a new sport next season, that’s totally okay. Childhood is the time when we begin to discover our own preferences and interests. It’s perfectly normal if you grew up playing baseball but your son is more interested in swimming instead!

3. Be Mindful of How You Talk About Teammates:
How we speak about others—especially other kids—can have a big impact. If you talk negatively about a player at home, it can give your child permission to do the same. For instance, if your child says, “Wow, Garret is terrible! I wish he wasn’t on the team,” use it as an opportunity to connect with them and guide them in understanding how hurtful such comments can be. Encourage empathy and help your child learn how others might feel when they hear those kinds of remarks.

4. Have Fun Together:
Don’t forget to enjoy the process! As a family, create small traditions that make the season feel special. Maybe you and your child have a secret handshake for good luck before the game, or you take them grocery shopping to pick out their favorite Gatorade. These little rituals can create lasting, positive memories. There are plenty of ways to show your child how much you care about their spring season, both on and off the field.

Melissa Hansen, LPC, Executive Director

It is bittersweet for us to be saying “good-bye” to Ms. Emilie Thomas who has been a part of VPCC for the past 18 years. Ms. Thomas has touched hundreds of lives and families in her time at VPCC. She served twice as Executive Director navigating VPCC through a wide variety of challenges including unexpected staffing changes and COVID among others. We do not have the space to say the many good things about Ms. Thomas that we would like to or for which she deserves. She is now practicing independently in Staunton and we will continue to refer to her and wish her all the absolute best. While we will still see her around, we miss her deeply already!

It is with joy that we welcome Ms. Addison Halverson to Valley Pastoral Counseling Center. For many reasons, Ms. Halverson is a wonderful addition to the group of therapists here at VPCC. She specializes in working with children, teens, and their families. She is especially interested in working with families of all shapes and sizes and has a lot of experience working with challenging family situations, dynamics, and relationships. She is also a naturally happy and caring person, which you will discover quickly if you have the pleasure of meeting her.

Ms. Halverson graduated from Virginia Tech with an MS in Human Development- Marriage and Family Therapy. She will begin seeing clients in November 2024 and will start to call referrals in October 2024. If you’re interested in working with her or know someone who is, she can be reached at her confidential phone number: 540-425-3891. Check out our website for more information on Ms. Halverson.

Many have become increasingly aware of the mental health crisis we face as a country.  The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) reports that one in five adults live with some form of mental illness (57.8 million as of 2021).  Of these 57.8 million, young adults ages 18-35 represent 33 percent of those adults with mental illness.  Within this population, in 2021, 47 percent received mental health services.  An additional study presented by NIMH shows that 49.5 percent of adolescents, age 13-18, have a lifetime prevalence of a mental disorder.*  As we can see, less than half of the adult population that has an identified mental disorder has received any treatment and this is not including the number of adolescents who may also not have received treatment.  

As a group, we at Valley Pastoral Counseling Center (VPCC), are aware of the challenges individuals face in seeking treatment.  This might include transportation difficulties, schedule conflicts, stereotypes and myths associated with mental health treatment, and financial limitations.  We are one of a growing minority of practices accepting most Medicaid insurances.  In addition, we often have clients who would like to use their insurance, however, their deductibles are so costly, the expense is beyond their means.  Furthermore, some individuals may have no insurance at all to cover costs.  Our mission at VPCC is this: “To enhance the quality of life in the community by being a leader in providing quality, cost-effective mental and spiritual healthcare through counseling, training, consultation, and prevention.”  In an effort to provide “cost effective” care, we offer a sliding fee scale for those individuals who cannot afford the cost of care based on their high deductibles or lack of insurance.  Additionally, we offer low cost, fee for service care, with our Counselors in Residence.  A resident is unable to file claims with insurance and so must see clients as self-pay.  

How do we make this possible?  This opportunity is only available through the generous donations of members and groups in our community.  During 2023, we received $10,170.07 in (tax deductible) donations by individuals, churches, non-profit organizations such as Karis, and anonymous donors.  With this support we were able to provide cost effective care totaling 437 hours of service in 2023.  However, these 437 hours of service required payment of $13,693.75 to the providers, exceeding what we brought in through donations last year.  Additionally, we could have provided more service hours to individuals in financial need if we had more funds available.  

In order to be able to continue to provide cost effective care to any member of our community, we need ongoing financial support.  Please consider making a, tax-deductible, financial contribution to Valley Pastoral Counseling Center designated to our Client Assistance Fund (CAF).  You can mail your check to:

Valley Pastoral Counseling Center- CAF 

Made out to: Valley Pastoral Counseling Center (Memo: CAF Funds)

300 Chestnut Lane Wayesboro, VA 22980.  

*https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness

By Melissa Hansen, Executive Director

In September 2022 Brittany Centeno, a Counseling Intern from Eastern Mennonite University (EMU), joined VPCC for her internship. This is the final stage in the process of graduating with a Master’s in the mental health field and entails a wide variety of both learning and practice. She has been in the mental health field for over six years. She has learned a variety of approaches that she is integrating into how she works with clients. She is thoughtful and dedicated to doing this well and we are honored that she is here with us. She brings a fresh perspective and humility to the work that is beautiful to watch. If you are interested in learning more about Brittany, check out her profile on our website: valleypastoral.org

Over more than a decade there has been an ongoing relationship between VPCC and EMU. We have therapists who graduated from EMU. We have also had practicum students and interns who have been here and then have moved on after graduation to doing other things. The EMU counseling program is a truly beautiful fit with VPCC and the intersection of spirituality, pastoral and mental health care. The quality of education and training is high. While we can never take more than one intern at a time, the partnership remains strong. We look forward to working with EMU students for years to come.

Amy Huffman, M.S.W.

Some of the foundational work that I do with my clients has to do with mindfulness. Mindfulness can be defined as a sense of compassionate observation of one’s inner state – emotionally, physically, or spiritually. When engaged in mindful thought, a person can observe his or her inner state without being caught up in the emotional storm that may be brewing. 

One trap that’s easy to get caught in is the belief that our emotions are a list of instructions rather than a means of communication within the body. For example — I’m feeling anxious? That means I need to drop everything and tend to my anxiety. I’m feeling angry? I need to act out this anger right away. Sometimes we don’t even know what the emotion is, but we know it needs to direct our attention and behaviors. The “list of instructions” can then look like one of two things – an over-reliance on rational thought at the expense of emotional engagement, or an over-reliance on emotional engagement at the expense of rational thought.

Psychologist Dan Siegel uses the analogy of a river to explain these two extremes. Imagine your mind is a long, wide, flowing river. On one side of the river is a steep, inaccessible bank: this is the left side, or the rational mind. 

On the other side is shallow water and lots of rocks: this is the right side, or the emotional mind. During times of distress, we can find ourselves veering wildly back and forth between these two extremes – crashing into rigidity or chaos and then back again. Mindfulness is what helps us steer toward the middle.

Wise mind is the middle of the river, that place where we can integrate our rational mind and our emotional mind. To get there, start by cultivating a nonjudgmental awareness of your inner experience. Take note of what thoughts are going through your mind. How fast are they moving? What shape do they take? What sensations accompany them within your body? The trick is to observe only, and not jump into action. 

By taking note of what’s going on inside with compassionate curiosity, you allow yourself to gently detach from the crisis of emotion. This can be the first step toward a greater understanding and ownership of yourself and of your own inner experience.

Alan Melton, LPC

Some of us will be sad during the Holidays, especially if we have lost a loved one in the past year. I have heard many patients say, “This first Christmas without my spouse (or child, etc) will be the hardest.” Grief is hard enough when there is not a Holiday coming. It is even harder once the Holiday arrives. I once told a client that “the reality of losing someone takes the mind a year to accept.” I believe that is true–at least a year–sometimes longer. Our minds are not prepared for the harsh reality of death. It takes time for the reality to sink in and become real to us. The time that it takes, no matter how long, is what we call grief or mourning. Most often we underestimate how long grief will take to heal. I have used one year as an average, but many feel it takes several years to work through some losses. That is why we call the process “Grief Work.” It is hard work. Unfortunately the general population is not always aware of just how long such a process takes. Our friends and family members often give us about 3 months to grieve and then they want us to be done with it. Why? Because they find it difficult to be around someone who is grieving. It is like being around someone who is depressed. It brings others down as well and they do not like that feeling. This is why we sometimes need to enter counseling to deal with our grief. A trained therapist is better able to bear our suffering and hear our pain–and for a longer period of time. When you go to therapy for your grief you may find you have a host of feelings to work through. You may be shocked at first and in a state of disbelief and numbness. You may feel overwhelmed with deep sadness. You may feel guilty and blame yourself somehow for the loss. You may have even been angry at the person you lost and fear that they left this earth not knowing that you loved them. No matter what your feelings are, a caring therapist will help you face those feelings and express them. Our natural tendency is to suppress our feelings rather than attend to them. This is exactly the opposite of what we need to do. Matter of fact the only way you can grieve wrongly is to not grieve at all. The key is to let the feelings come and to bear them–regardless of the amount of hurt or pain they cause. An empathic therapist knows this and will be with you throughout the process. If you can allow yourself such an experience in therapy, over time, your painful feelings of sadness will begin to heal. Holiday sadness is often about grief–especially the first Holiday Season without a loved one. But as I shared in the”Christmas as an Anniversary Reaction” post, Holiday sadness can also be due to left over grief from many year’s past. If you have any unresolved grief in your life, you can be pretty sure it will come to the surface during the Holidays. So whether your grief is fresh or is left over from the past, if you will let the grief come to your heart and mind, you will eventually feel better. You can process your grief with family and friends or you can seek therapy if it is just too much to bear. Either way remember,” the only wrong way to grieve is not to grieve.” I hope your Holiday can be as good as it can be even as you continue your grief work.

Alan Melton, LPC

Like many, I have often wondered why Christmas is so powerful. Over the years I have heard it is because of our overly high expectations or our idealized notions of what a perfect holiday is supposed to be. Of course these are true but I have wondered if there might be something more–something deeper. So I starting thinking about Christmas as an anniversary reaction. Anniversary reactions occur when we experience a significant anniversary and the memories and feelings associated with the original event come pouring forth from our unconscious into consciousness. Maybe this is what happens at Christmas. The Holiday is an anniversary. We have celebrated this day every year from the time we can remember. As a result all kinds of feelings get stirred up around it. Each year when this day rolls around we remember all the other years we have celebrated it–the good ones, the bad ones, and the in between ones. All kinds of feelings come gushing forth. One popular Christmas song says,”Christmas makes me feel emotional.” That is true. I believe it is true because we experience Christmas as an anniversary reaction. So this year I would encourage you, when you are feeling all kinds of emotions at Christmas, to think of them as an anniversary reaction. May we all let the varied feelings of love, joy, dread, anxiety, depression, etc come to the forefront of our minds. May we embrace them. Attend to them. Let them come. And also try to understand them. If your feelings get too uncomfortable during the Christmas holidays then you might consider seeking out a therapist to help you work through them. Therapy can help when the anniversary reaction of Christmas becomes too emotionally overwhelming and the negative feelings come to predominate. I hope your Christmas emotional anniversary reaction this year is more pleasant than not, and that the positive feelings of this season much outweigh those that are more painful. Happy Holiday!

Alan Melton, LPC

In  an earlier post I shared  the traditional way to train for pastoral psychotherapy. That was my training. Today there are alternate ways to train for the profession. You can attend a spiritually oriented college and obtain a masters degree in pastoral counseling. From there you can work toward a state license in one of the traditional psychotherapy professions including psychiatry, psychology, social work, and licensed professional counselor. With such a license added to your pastoral counseling training you can hang out a shingle and open your own private practice as a pastoral psychotherapist. You can also work in a group serting such as a Pastoral Counseling Center or group practice. With a state license in a mental health profession ( usually requiring a masters or doctorate degree), you can also collect third party payments from insurance companies and even teach at the college or graduate school level. When pastoral counselors only worked in local congregations none of this additional training was required. Once they stepped out of the faith community setting and chose to work in the world of the other mental health professionals, they had to have additional degrees and licenses. This happened to me when I decided to step out of the local church setting and took a position at the Valley Pastoral Counseling Center in Waynesboro, VA. I needed to be able to work with patients who had health insurance and wanted to use their insurance. Thus I was required to become a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of VA in addition to my pastoral psychotherapy training. Because of my interest in psychodynamic psychotherapy as a specialty I further did continuing education and supervision in psychoanalytic theory and technique. Today there are pastoral psychotherapists who have not first become ordained ministers. They are lay people who went to graduate school in pastoral counseling and also obtained a mental health license to practice in their state. Sometimes these practioners refer to themselves as spiritually integrated psychotherapists rather than pastoral psychotherapists. They can also do continuing education through the Association for Clinical Pastoral Education (ACPE), and become an ACPE Psychotherapist. Even in so called secular psychotherapy training there are a growing number of programs that integrate spirituality into the psychotherapy training curriculum. So there are several alternate ways available today to become a mental health professional who integrates spirituality and psychotherapy, and practice as a psychotherapist. Regardless of which path your follow, the more traditional or one of the newer paths, the most important goal is to be fully qualified to practice. This means pursuing didactic education, supervision, and your own personal psychotherapy. This tripartite training will insure your competence to practice as spiritually integrated psychotherapist.

What Kind of Therapist Do I Need?

Emilie Slechta Thomas, MA, LMFT 

First, the good news: with every passing year, as times become more challenging and people feel increasingly isolated from supportive communities, the stigma in caring for one’s mental health decreases accordingly. Athletes, celebrities, and professionals have all attested publicly to having sought mental health treatment. The bad news? With so many people looking, it can be quite difficult to find help, especially since finding the right fit with a therapist is so crucial to healing. However, there are a few guidelines to consider when beginning your search for your partner in this journey, and following them can shorten the time it takes to get started. 

First of all, keep in mind that the relationship to the therapist, along with your commitment to the process, is the most important factor in ensuring a positive outcome to therapy. Theoretical approaches differ, and we will discuss only two of them very broadly in this article, but the “click” you feel with your therapist is at least half the battle. A strong alliance with someone you feel attached to heals wounds in and of itself, and the resulting trust allows the interventions that the therapist uses to sink in more effectively. If you make an initial appointment with a therapist and do not feel that you like this person or feel comfortable with them, find another therapist. 

Getting it right in the first place with someone you look forward to working with and with whom you feel safe saves a lot of time and money in the end. 

Secondly, consider your needs and goals. While many therapists favor an eclectic approach and can mold their treatment to fit your needs, they also tend to lean one way or another. A psychodynamic psychotherapist may work with you on uncovering past wounds from your childhood whose lack of resolution contributes to the struggles you may be facing today. These issues reveal themselves through chronic depression and numbness, low self esteem, trouble in relationships, and having reactions to people and situations that are not commensurate with what is actually at hand. Finding and healing those wounds in a trusting atmosphere can uncover buried emotions such as shame and unworthiness. While working with these wounds and emotions, the therapist should validate your experience and help you find more compassion for yourself and the child you once were. While that by itself is healing, the various psychodynamically oriented therapies don’t rely only on insight. As you progress, your increased awareness of the patterns you have learned because of past traumas allows you more control over your behavior and responses to life events. You will find that your emotions become more vibrant and alive, and that life seems to be lived in more color. This is a good approach to begin with if you are having trouble in your relationships or are struggling with chronic depression or anger. 

However, what if you find that you are having obsessive thoughts or compulsions? What if your mind races constantly with worries that keep you from sleeping or you are prone to anxiety or panic attacks? Do you find that you sabotage yourself just when life is going well? Do your emotions seem to run out of control? While it’s true that these issues can also arise from childhood wounds, recent research suggests that much of the anxiety and emotional lability many people suffer has a genetic component. Often, a therapist who practices with a cognitive 

behavioral approach is the right match in these cases. This kind of therapy focuses not so much on the past but on habitual ways of thinking that reflect unconscious and non productive beliefs. An example might be assuming that something bad will happen if we enjoy ourselves too much. This false root belief can create thinking patterns that then trigger irrational feelings of anxiety, resulting in acts of self sabotage that actually might make perfect sense if only the belief were true. By examining and then challenging these beliefs and thoughts, you can ultimately affect your emotional patterns, allowing for more successful outcomes in your resultant behavior. Emotions can become more regulated, and practical tools and coping skills can be used to diffuse anxiety before it gains a foothold. 

While the above paragraphs can only scratch the surface of the many modalities- and their derivatives- of psychotherapy, hopefully they can serve as a starting point for a discussion with your therapist. Knowing some of the language used in the field and having a sense of your own goals in therapy can streamline what can be a daunting process. Never be afraid to come to any therapy session with a list of questions about techniques, theoretical orientation, or where or how the therapist was educated. It is your healing at stake, and it is our job to win your trust and confidence as your guide. 

Alan Melton, LPC

Let’s say you are the pastor of a large metropolitan faith community that has a number of minister specialists on your staff. There is a minister of music. There is a minister of social work. And there is an opening for a minister of pastoral counseling. What qualifications would you look for in your search for a minister of pastoral counseling or a pastoral counselor or a pastoral psychotherapist? First of all you would need to know that pastoral counselors/psychotherapists are a specialty of general pastoral ministry. Just like a medical doctor may specialize in psychiatry, a minister/pastor may specialize in pastoral psychotherapy. ( pastoral counselor and pastoral psychotherapist are one in the same.) This is not unlike a minister of education, music, or social work specializing in their field of ministry. What it means is you do a great deal of extra work to become a specialist. The pastoral psychotherapist training goes like this: First you need to have a four year college degree. It does not really matter what you major in at this level of undergraduate education. Next you will need to go to a three year seminary and obtain a masters of divinity degree. This is the basic masters degree that qualifies you to be a pastor. Some ministers will go on to obtain a ThD or a PhD from a seminary or Divinity School. Then you will need to serve at least three years in the general pastoral ministry as a pastor of a congregation. A congregational pastor is a generalist, like a primary care physician in a generalist. They have to do it all: preaching, teaching, weddings, funerals, pastoral counseling, outreach, administration, etc. During your three years as a pastor you will need to decide that although you may enjoy the general ministry role, you really want to specialize in Pastoral Counseling. So you next enroll in a pastoral counseling institute for further training. These programs last about 2 years and you graduate with a certificate in pastoral counseling. Included in the requirements for your certificate will be a unit or two of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) and supervision of your psychotherapy practice. Once you graduate you should be able to qualify as a Certified Pastoral Counselor with the American Association of Pastoral Counselors (AAPC.) Some pastoral counselors will obtain a masters degree or a doctorate in pastoral counseling. Regardless of your chosen path, you are now qualified to take the pastoral counseling position that the large metropolitan faith community is offering. Once you are in the position as minister of pastoral counseling you will want to continue your education. The next level in AAPC is the Fellow level. This level requires a doctor of ministry degree or some other doctoral degree in pastoral psychotherapy It also includes several more years of supervision by a Diplomate level pastoral psychotherapist. Once you have obtained the level of Fellow then you will be even more qualified in your position as a fully trained pastoral psychotherapist. But what if you want to teach pastoral psychotherapy at the Institute, College or Seminary level, and supervise others in the specialty? Then you will need to proceed to the top level of training in AAPC, which is to become a Diplomate. This level requires more supervision and a major paper that demonstrates that you are qualified not only to practice pastoral psychotherapy but to also teach and train others in the field. So if you are considering becoming a fully trained pastoral psychotherapist, this is the training and supervision path you will follow. In addition to this didactic training and supervision it will also be quite helpful if you pursue your own psychotherapy as well. It is very difficult to be successful as a pastoral psychotherapist if you have not spent some quality time in your own personal therapy. Some training programs require personal psychotherapy. Others strongly encourage it. So there you have it! This is the traditional path for the training of a pastoral psychotherapist. This path has been in existence since the founding of AAPC in the early 1960’s. This was my path from 1971 to 1997. I did my BS degree in Sociology. I then attended seminary and received a masters of divinity degree. This was followed by a doctor of ministry degree, and 16 years in pastoral ministry. Once I decided to specialize in pastoral psychotherapy I trained at a Pastoral Counseling Institute, obtained a license to practice as a Licensed Professional Counselor, pursued my own personal psychotherapy, and became a Fellow in AAPC. For me this was a gradually unfolding vocation to arrive where I have as a pastoral psychotherapist who has now practiced for 26 years. There a newer alternative ways to train today (2021.) I will share those paths in a later post…..